pick your poison "OPEN,, and enjoy

[jason adam levito]

Sobriety didn’t last very long, not when he was plagued with depression, hallucinations among various other mental problems. He had counted 19 days total since the last time he fucked up, and four hours ago, Jason fucked up all over again. He couldn’t handle it; he couldn’t take the thoughts of suicide and the cravings anymore. He ran right back to his cocaine like it was a good thing, begging for the coke to make him feel better or at least make him feel better for a few minutes. There were women surrounding his table, he and Shannon both fucked up this time, Shannon who didn’t mean to drag Jason back down with him tonight had done just that. Shannon meant to have a good night, have a few drinks and somewhere down the line he was given cocaine and shared the monster with the man he knew loved it more than the world.

If he could see straight he would try to count the amount of women that were around him and Shannon, he assumed there were around eight at the table and more around them and with their eyes set on them. There was some pretty blonde girl sitting on Jason’s lap, her hands toying with his hair and she would occasionally nip at his ear. For about a split second Jason wondered how old she was, because the girl looked barely legal. “Someone wanna get us a round of shots?” Jason asked no one in particular but one of the girls snapped her fingers and requested another round of shots, and this club already seemed to figure out that when Jason was here it was non-stop Vodka shots. Jason was a Vodka fan, and sometimes he’d stray but Jason always came back to Vodka. The shots came and the smell of alcohol grew three, maybe four times stronger around the booth and Jason welcomed the smell.

He reached for a shot and Shannon did at the same time and they both inhaled the alcohol like there was no tomorrow. The more alcohol that went passed his lips the worse his vision and his thought process became. Licking his lips out of habit Jason smirked at one of the girls across the table, winking at her and chuckling under his breath when she giggled. The blonde on his lap nipped at his ear and his hand slid further up her thigh, and she, as if she weren’t the whore she was, slid his hand to her knee. “Slow down buddy.” The girl whispered while once again nipping at his ear. He heard Shannon saying something to him and just nodded back, not even knowing what the man had said.

He didn’t know how he did it but Jason found himself out of the booth and wandering around the parking lot, his shirt god knows where and his wallet and cigarettes in his hand. He slid his wallet into the pocket of his black skinny jeans and pulled out a cigarette and the lighter he kept in the pack, lighting his cancerous friend and taking a good long drag of it. There was a cool wind and a light spring drizzle, it was probably an hour or two past midnight and he probably looked like a wreck, or like he’d been raped or something. Jason leaned against a wall on the side of the club before he sat down against is, one leg stretched out while his other leg was bent at the knee and he rested his arm on it. “So long… this is goodbye…” Jason sang as a whisper underneath his breath, he was singing unconsciously and it just showed that he never stopped writing lyrics, the music in his head was never turned off. He leaned his head against the wall and his eyes fell shut, his eyes felt so heavy and burned from the smoke in the club and the smoke from his cigarette.

His loose hold on the cigarette between his middle and index fingers slipped and the cigarette dropped to the ground beside him, smoke coming from it. He looked like he was passed out, but in truth he was just knotting out and in a few moments he’d probably be okay. As long as he kept breathing that is…

[elena marie columbo]

Elena hadn't been out in a really long time. Japan was usually just a long mess of work and sleep, and occasionally a meal or two. There was no time for fun, because between sleeping, working, and going to school she barely had time for a bathroom break, where would she fit in going out to a club? Plus, Japan is a foreign country to her, or at least, it used to me. She had recently decided to stay there, as in permanently. So what is she doing back in Atlanta? What was the purpose of this reunion anyway? To have her heart broken again? To learn Abel had moved on and forgotten her? El didn't want to deal with that shit again, yet she had still come and had yet to figure out why. Maybe its because she's secretly excited to see Abel again after all this time. But no one needed to know that.

Tonight was one of those nights that Elena was going to go out, get shit faced, and hopefully not remember a god damn thing. Which if you knew her, you would know is a totally rare occasion for her. Number one, she wasn't one to drink much (unless very stressed and even then it doesn't happen often). She sighed, reaching into her purse she pulled out a pack of cigarettes (something she had sworn never to do) and lit the cancer stick. Tonight her attire however was usual. A soft cotton dress clung to her thin body, black and gray horizontal stripes suited her body well. A pair of white leggings were a bit loose on her legs, the way she liked it. Her big baggy purse draped over her right shoulder and a pair of fat sunglasses resting on the top of her head. You could hear her three inch heels click on the sidewalk as she walked, attracting attention as usual.

It was then that Elena came along a person she hadn't in years. And somehow, had surprisingly recognized him. He looked a bit shaggier then the last time she had seen him, and she could tell he was still doing drugs. From what El had heard, he had gotten quite famous over the years. She smiled and shook her head lightly. "Well, well if it isn't Jason Levito himself." She licked her lips and let out a small, harsh laugh. She was a bit drunk by now (hence the walking). "I don't believe I've seen someone this trashed in a long, long time Mr. Levito. Congratulations you've won the award." Wow, she was being a bitch tonight. Now she was almost absolutely sure that his next words would be; "Go to hell, bitch." But at this particular moment, she didn't mind so much. Jason was a bit of an annoyance for Elena, although the bad thing about that was that he turns her on. Its actually pretty comical. El and Jason were pretty good friends (but also dislike each other quite a lot) and the sexual tension is amazing between these two.

[jason adam levito]

It took more strength than it should of to open his eyes once he heard a voice and his name. He didn’t even think about what he was doing as he flipped the woman in front of him the bird, because he had no idea who the hell she was, Jason hated her. He looked at his cigarette that had yet to burn out beside him and he picked it up, slowly bringing it closer to look at it. He frowned and threw it back at the ground and looked at the woman that had walked up and started talking to him. “Go to hell.” Jason muttered to her, his words slurred and the expression of pure confusion written all across his face. If he wasn’t used to his life being what it was, Jason would wonder how the hell this bitch even knew him, but considering the way he lived he didn’t even want to know.

“Why are you just…. fucking standing there?” Jason snapped at the woman, really looking at her this time. He thought she looked familiar, but then again Jason thought that a lot of people looked familiar, what made her special? He tilted his head and sighed leaning it against the wall again, groaning a little bit as he did. There was a breeze that came past and his skin shivered with it while he remained completely unfazed by it. He was so hammered that someone could have lit his leg on fire and he wouldn’t have noticed until someone put the fire out. This didn’t happen often anymore because he was supposed to be getting sober, he was supposed to stay clean so he could see his daughter, he was supposed to be a good man for Amber.

”Guess daddy doesn’t love you enough.”

He shivered at the memory of his fathers words and he looked back to see if the woman had left and much to his annoyance through his very blurred vision she was still there. “Who the fuck are you? Would you fucking give a man some space? Fuck!” He was yelling pointlessly at this point but he couldn’t help it, he was severely unnerved by this bitch that stared him down, looking at him like she knew him. As far as he was concerned Shannon and Amber knew him while everyone else was a goddamn stranger.

[elena marie columbo]

Wow, he was being a bitch too. This was actually very comical to Elena. He actually did not remember her, either that or he was way too baked to remember anything. She laughed lightly and took a drag from her cigarette, man this tasted disgusting. How could people smoke on a regular basis? It made no sense to her. "Aww, come on Jason, are you saying you don't remember me?" She asked him, pretending to be even just a little sad, which she wasn't. I need a drink. She thought to herself. If any of her friends could see her right now, they'd wonder what happened to her. Abel, that's what. Or who, actually. She shook her head and smiled. "I've only been in Japan for four years.

Elena could remember every fucking second of that last day here. The hugs goodbye to everyone (including Jason for some reason), the way Abel held her. The kisses he gave her. El swore under her breathe, she really needed to stop dwelling on past memories. Let the past be the past, and that would be it. She just awaited Jason's next response, hoping that it was something funny so that she could forget about Abel for even just a split second. Unconsciously, she ran a hand through her straight brown hair, raising the cigarette to her lips one last time and taking a drag.

"I mean, I know I may not have been great in bed. But hell you sucked, and I still remember you." Elena was joking, of course. They had never slept together, never had a chance. Okay, well they had chances, she was just never enough of a bitch to actually cheat on Abel. Plus, she had loved him too much. A small smiled arrived on her lips and she shook her head lightly. "I never thought stardom would get to you quite like it has, but I suppose that should be expected now days, shouldn't it?"

[jason adam levito]

Jason frowned looking up at Elena, who the hell was she and how did she expect him to remember her. He was famous for fuck’s sake; he met a lot of people on a daily basis. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at himself, where the hell was his shirt? “Do you have my shirt?” Jason murmured to her incoherently, completely ignoring her question asking if he remembered her, which he didn’t. He closed his eyes and sighed biting his lip at the smell of the cigarette smoke, and then he looked at Elena again. “Can I have that?” He questioned about her cigarette.

When she spoke again he frowned, “What the hell are you talking about?” He snapped at her, pushing himself to his feet and as he stood he started falling forward and he took a step forward to keep himself from falling. He looked at her and tilted his head, “If you knew me four years ago… I was a ‘star’ dumbshit. Unless I was 15 years old four years ago…” He was babbling at this point and he wasn’t even making much sense to himself. “And I am sure you would have been the one that sucked in bed…” Did she expect him of all people to remember or even be able to recognize all of the people he had slept with?

He tried looking really closely at her to think of who the hell she might be and how he may have known her but nothing at all was coming to his mind and he was just about ready to give up on trying to figure out who she was. A small part of him wanted to know why and how she knew him and what her significance was and the other part of him didn’t care. The part that didn’t care at all was the larger part of him. He leaned against the wall, sighing as he did. “Who are you?” He asked, trying to think of how he remembered her because he did know that her face looked very familiar.

[elena marie columbo]

Elena looked down on Jason, this was very, very amusing and she was a little sad that one of her friends wasn't here to enjoy this too. She laughed lightly and shook her head at his question. "No, I do not have your shirt." Where would he get that insane idea in the first place? As if just because she was talking to him and he didn't remember her, that must mean El was supposed to know where his shirt had drifted off too. "Maybe one of the whores in the club stole it." She giggled at the thought. At his second question, she looked over at the cigarette in her hand, she shrugged and handed it over to him, it wasn't like she really even wanted it. It had been one of those, every once in awhile things.

Elena really had to hold back from laughing as he continued to babble on about nothing. "No, Jason we never slept together." She could only imagine his next comment. "Oh well, I suppose I can't expect someone this wasted to remember me. Especially a star whose life revolves around sex." Not like sex isn't great, but this man basically lived for it. Well that and drugs. Or at least, that was El's opinion of him. She watched as he attempted at standing up, wow he really was very wasted. How enjoyable can something be when you won't remember most of it? Putting those thoughts to the side, she took this moment to look him over. Because no matter how much she didn't want to admit it, he was very attractive.

Elena smiled and shook her head. "Elena Columbo." She answered his final question. She stared at Jason, looking for some kind of familiarization or recognition. So far, she was seeing nothing, sighing she shook her head. "Never mind, you don't remember." And she turned to walk away, but changed her mind at the last minute and turned back to him. "How is Amber doing?" She asked. "And Casey?"

[jason adam levito]

He took her cigarette and and took an immediate drag off of it, his hands were shaking and trembling for whatever reason. Most likely because he was so wasted, he was more wasted than he probably should have allowed himself to get. He knew that the amount of cocaine and alcohol and whatever else in his system could kill him, especially if he were to have another drink. Alcohol poisoning was nothing fun, he would know after having been in the emergency room so many times because of it. He looked at Elena and sighed defeated and annoyed. "Well, I think I might need a shirt..." He muttered annoyed, shaking his head in frustration. "I guess one of them stole... Shannon too..." Jason said, his face completely confused and his eyes staring off into the oblivion.

"Never?" Jason asked her, this came quite a surprise to the man as he thought of it. Suddenly he remembered her, he remembered how many times they were on the edge of sleeping together and she always couldn't go through with it. He could remember being on one of their beds, or maybe even a hotel bed, or in the tour bus and she could never go through with it. "A boyfriend or something, wasn't it?" Jason asked her, as he began to remember who she was, or at least who she thought she may have been. The body and face he remembered fit hers, he thought they did at least. "Used to... used to revolve around sex." Jason muttered, sounding like he was completely nuts, he was a changed man... kind of...

He repeated her name and nodded, putting a name to the face and body from his memories. When he said Amber's name he sighed, a wave of guilt surging through his entire being and he looked down to the dirty ground at his feet. "She's with her mother, and I'm bound to lose visitation rights..." Jason said softly, the heart break very clear and evident in his voice as he realized what his actions tonight meant for his chance to see Amber. If he was sober, this would affect him much more severely than it did now, but because he so completely wasted it didn't affect him quite as much. He brought the cigarette to his lips again and took a long hit pulling it away from his lips the thing went tumbling to the ground, not even half finished. His hands were shaking so badly that it was pointless that he even tried to pick up that cigarette... "Casey is a bitch, s'all she is." Jason snapped, obviously not very fond of his ex wife at all especially not when he was wasted.

He took a step to wards Elena and found that his legs weren't so great at holding him up at this point in time without the support of a wall. He fell to the ground on his hands and knees and rolled onto his back, a defeated "fuck" falling from his throat. He brought his hand to his forehead and rubbed his eyes and felt something on the back of his neck and rubbed his neck. When he brought his hand to his eye sight he noticed the blood and just looked at it for a few moments. "I don't really do this anymore..." Jason murmured, almost pitifully to her.

[elena marie columbo]

Elena was still holding herself back from laughing at him. "I forgot how humorous you are when you're wasted." She flashed him a smile and crossed her arms. With the look on his face, mostly the confusion she began to worry whether it was safe for him to stand on his own. But she didn't bother asking, fairly certain he would refuse help. Although I suppose four years is a long time, a person could change quiet a bit in that time. Although by the looks of it, El was fairly certain things hadn't changed at all for Jason. And by the next look on Jason's face, he was starting to vaguely remember knowing Elena.

Elena laughed at Jason's reaction to them never having sex. "Nope, never. Though there were a few close calls." She flashed him a smile, memories flashing through her head. It was true, there was quite a few close calls between Jason and herself. She could never go through with it because she was in love with Abel, and the close calls were usually only when they had been fighting. Which she knew didn't make it right, but it was also an easy way for her to forget about everything. For her first year in Japan she had missed both Abel and Jason, they had both been there for her, through some really difficult time. She sighed as Jason brought up the whole boyfriend thing. "Yeah, that was it." She answered, slightly cringing at the memory. At his next comment, her mouth slightly dropped. "Well Jason, are you telling me your life no longer revolves around sex? Now that, is hard for me to believe."

Memories ran through her head a bit more, him on top of her, or the other way around, their lips moving at the same pace with the same movements. Their kisses getting more aggressive by the minute. Elena cleared her throat and shook her head, trying to get rid of the memories, now was not the time to be remembering things of that nature. She had lost track of their conversation and had to rack her brain for what he had just said. Something about Amber, yes? El passed him a sympathetic look. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, Jason. But do you think maybe its in Amber's best interest?" This was a dangerous question, and she knew it was, but still she was curious. Elena gave him a small smile at his next comment, he really did not like Casey anymore. So that probably wasn't a safe subject either.

Elena gasped slightly when Jason fell to the ground after trying to step forward. She got down on the ground next to him. "Jason? Are you okay?" She asked, a little more worried than she would have guessed herself to be. She was slightly ignoring what he said, more worried about whether he was going to just up and die on her. "Yeah, I'm sure you don't." She replied to him, not believing a word of what he just said. "Jason do I need to take you to the hospital?" She asked, the worry showing on her voice.

[jason adam levito]

He was not at all a fan of the words she was using while he was this wasted, words like humorous that were absoltuley huge and pointless to use because they were only adding to his frustration and confusion. He ignored what she said and nodded when she commented on the close calls. He remembered himself some of the times, but mostly what he remembered was the annoyance that was surely written across his face every time she had said she couldn't go through with it. Everytime she told him to stop, he did stop, reluctantly but he did. Jason Levito may have always been sex crazed but he wasn't about to step into the shoes of a rapist to get it everytime he wanted it. He knew if she denied him there were others that would never think of doing that to a man like him.

He didn't say anything but at her next comment he looked back at her and clearly said. "I've changed... you just found me on a bad night... been sober for 19 days...." He murmured. And before he had gone off on a binge that ended 19 days ago, Jason had been sober for 53 days. The binge between his 53 and 19 days lasted three months, and during those three months Jason was nearly impossible to keep in control. During those three months, Ainsley would not allow Jason to see Amber at all, and she tried her hardest to keep the judge on them from knowing what was going on with Jason. The law would take away the right of a father to see his daughter, and even though Jason wasn't on the right track with his life, Ainsley knew that not seeing Amber would simply kill him.

"She needs her father, wouldn't want her to turn out like me... would you?" Jason muttered, that was his excuse for why she needed him. Or maybe why he needed her? She wasn't even four years old, she needed her father at this point in her life... if he would get better for her, then maybe everyone would be able to understand that rather than to point out how terrible he was... it wasn't like he didn't realize that he was a terrible father. Jason shook his head when Elena asked if he needed to go to the hospital. "It's just a little blood, when I get hit by a car maybe a hospital could be considered." Jason said to her, his eyes meeting with hers. He wondered if she was going to avoid his eyes like everyone else had.

"I don't do this, Elena... I don't...." Jason muttured, trying to sit up and pull himself to the wall again. "I know you can't tell right now..." He ran his hands through his hair and in frustration he grabbed on his hair and sighed. "I need help... but help never works." He looked at her and the desperation was clear to see even through the way he looked wasted, it was clear that he was desperate somewhere deep down. Maybe seeing someone he hadn't seen in so long that he used to be closer to made that desperate part of him come surging forward.

[elena marie columbo]

Elena sighed as she tried to move his hand to see if it was bad. It wasn't, that much she could tell, but still he was one of the most stubborn people she had ever met. A small grunt escaped her lips as she tried to stand up. If he wasn't wanting help, she wasn't going to give him her help, no matter how worried she may be. "Oh yeah Jason? And how many of those nineteen days have been bad days?" She felt bad, she really did, for not believing him. Because she really wanted to, not only for his sake but for Amber's sake. "Jason if you really want to be sober, you'll get there. You just have to push yourself." She hated this, feeling like some kind of preacher to a friend who had hit rock bottom. She felt slightly guilty for it to, not being there to help him out if he had asked for it.

Elena sighed and crossed her arms again. He really didn't get the concept of everything did he? "Jason it takes a little more than a child needing her father to be able to raise that child properly. If the person isn't fit, its better for the child to be raised without one." She was careful not to answer the question about whether she wanted Amber to turn out like Jason. Which was true, Elena hoped with all her heart that she wasn't anything like this side of her father. But then again, there were some positive things to Jason too. "You understand that, right?"

Giving up, Elena walked over to Jason and went to help him stand up. "Help won't work if you don't push for it." She tried to tell him again. "And I hate to be the barer of bad news, but Jason, if you don't sober up you will lose your daughter." El felt like a bitch telling him that, but he needed to realize that his daughter deserved to have a father who would stay clean just so he could keep her. And to be honest, she didn't have that kind of faith in him.

[jason adam levito]

This wasn’t at all what he wanted to come back to; he wanted to blame Shannon for presenting him with the devil and bringing him here. He wanted to blame everyone but himself, but he knew he had the choice of what he wanted to do. He also knew that as a recovering drug addict and alcoholic he should have never agreed to come here. 19 days, and he could swear that this night was the only bad night of them. “I’ve been good, Elena. I have, 19 days and before I fucked up last time I had 53 days…” Jason said, closing his eyes tightly in a stupid and pointless attempt to be rid of the headache that now plagued him. “I go to the meetings, I’ve gone to detox…I’ve been to rehab….I want to be better, Elena; but I just can’t stay clean…” He sounded exactly like the pathetic junkie that he was.

Normally the cases where a parent is struggling for rights to see their children is found in a home with no money and a parent who has no one to turn to and has had a record for being bad. It’s not normal now-a-days when a high profile celebrity who is known all around the world for both the talent he has and for his sins, to battle with the courts for the right to see his daughter. Now it isn’t normal when a rich man has to fight the law for the right to be with his daughter, but this is exactly what Jason Levito knows. This is the fight he fights every single day, and days like today are the days where he worries most about losing his daughter for good. “Yes, I understand that. Do you think my judge hasn’t said that to me yet?” Jason snapped at her, he had no reason to be nice to her anymore, like he had no reason to be nice at all.

“Do you think I’m not trying to get sober? You don’t fucking know me Elena, you don’t know what I’ve been through the past four years that you’ve been gone.” Jason growled, sitting against the brick wall of the club his hand covered in blood after holding it on his head for so long. “You remember Casey? She left me, and took everything…” At this point Jason wouldn’t even look at Elena because he hadn’t even realized how much the divorce had actually upset him because he had to fight a war with the law and himself. “You don’t fucking believe in me, that’s it huh?” Jason asked, his voice sharp and thick with venom and of course… alcohol. He slowly got to his feet and looked up at the sky, closing his eyes. “I’m not dead yet, and everyone had been predicting that I should have died two years ago…I think I can do this, I can be her father, and I’ll do it right.” He hissed, his eyes meeting hers sharp and daring; flashing with anger and determination. “But first…I want a drink; nothing like alcohol to numb out a head wound.” Jason murmured half sarcastically.