ten feet under and upside down,,OPEN!

[jason adam levito]

The entire night, this place had been empty, completely and totally vacant. While he sat here, his arms wrapped around his knees watching the waves rolling in. He enjoyed the solitude he got for this one night, he knew that this would probably be the last time in a long time that he would get this kind of quiet. This kind of quiet became very hard for him to come by and when he got lucky and found it; you better believe that he never gave up the chance.

He didn’t miss the sleep he missed at all last night, in fact he actually figured it would help that he sat here the entire night thinking about what had become of his life and how radically it had changed in the past two years. He couldn’t deny that he missed what his life was like before all of this, he couldn’t lie and say he didn’t want to go back to the nonstop touring and the groupies because truth be told, Jason wanted to return to that more than anything because that was all he really knew how to do correctly. He found that it wasn’t that bad living here; at least it was better than living in hotel rooms and on a tour bus. He thought that he would kill himself before ever living in one place for a long time again; he found that he was fine with living in Atlanta for as long as he had been. Then again he thought that without Shannon with him, he wouldn’t have stayed here for so long.

He licked his lips out of habit to wet them as they felt chapped, sighing as he pulled his body closer to his knees in an attempt to gather all of his body heat and make his body temperature rise after sitting out the whole night. The sun was rising and so was the temperature of the day, and he figured that as long as he didn’t move too much, the heat from his body wouldn’t be totally lost. It came as a surprise to him that he wanted to stay warm rather than to hurt himself with the chill of the cold; he wanted the warmth for once like every other human being did. At least this was proof enough to people that he wasn’t completely insane and that he still had some sanity laced through the insanity.

Sitting out here for a night was more than amazing for the creativity that flared in his head and he came up with many concepts for the new album and many thoughts on where he wanted to take the music now. He wanted to take it to a new place; he wanted to show the world something that they hadn’t seen from Autumn Falls before. He was considered by the public to have become a changed man, and a changed man for the better. He didn’t completely believe he had changed, because he knew had really hadn’t changed, he still had a drug problem; he had just been sober for the past three weeks. Well, almost three weeks, 18 days sober, and he wondered how many more days he could add to that number before he ruined it all over again.

If anyone thought that Jason cared about his drug problem, they would be mostly wrong, because most of Jason actually wanted the drugs. Jason didn’t care about sobriety; it didn’t matter to him because he knew that even if he was sober, he’d still get shit about something else. He’d get shit about the things he had done years before, or months before when he wasn’t sober. With that he figured that sobriety wasn’t something he should work toward because in the long run, people didn’t care. It was his life after all he could get stoned if he wanted to, couldn’t he? Everyone died eventually, what did it matter if Jason were to die earlier than the people he knew? It would matter to Amber, he had to think of her...

His hair was damp from the dew and humidity from the morning; the dark, nearly black strands of hair hung heavy and in some areas seemed to cling to his skin. He didn’t budge from where he sat as the sun continued to rise in the east, the skies red and pink even purple around the haze of a yellowish orange sun rising into height in the sky. It was so beautiful out here on this particular morning that Jason honestly didn’t want to go anywhere for a long time. He wanted to stay where he was and enjoy this solitude because he knew that it wasn’t going to last for much longer. He knew that someone would come along and ruin it.